I haven't been on here in a while. I'm sorry. Exams are over, and I've been on the computer a lot, but this site doesn't interest me the way it once did. I have so many other blog sites, and I've grown attached to one where practically everybody in my year at school is a member. So I might not come back here too much. Maybe occassionally...but that's all. So...what can I say?

So long and goodnight...

Re!!

Oh no, oh no, oh no...

I had a friend who left the country last year. Or rather, at the very beginning of this year. The night before she left we were on the phone for hours, just talking. Talking about how things weren't going to be the same anymore. How we were going to miss having each ther to talk to, because we were the only ones each other knew who could talk Harry Potter the way that we did. I only knew her for just over a year, but she was like a best friend to me. None of my other friends liked her, and a lot of shit happened, but I stuck by her...then things changed...

She used to tell us how she was leaving the country. Once she told us that she was going to go to Canada and tha she was never coming back, but it all turned out to be a lie. To "see if you guys really do care about me", she'd said it was. After that the others had grown sick of her, and one day Mirna snapped at her, in the middle of the corridor, with half of my year there to bare witness:

"We've all had enough of your fucking exaggerations!!"

She's pretended like she didn't know what Mirna meant by "exaggerations", but that had been the end of their friendship. And with it, the friendships of her with all my other friends. They hated her more than anything else in the world at that time, and I was stuck in the middle of it all. I was the only one who ever stood by her, and she respected me for it. At one point I was her only friend, because her supposed best friend joined another half of my group (my group is a long, complicated story - good for another time). Eventually she had two friends - myself, and another girl in my year called Sophie (whom I still talk to sometimes these days...).

There came a time when there was a lot of backstabbing going on, and a whole scenario unfolded where it looked like she was trying to pin something on me - my best friend had said bad things about her, and somehow she had found out. She'd said that a person had told her, and that this person was Aussie, pale-skinned and in my Commerce class. Well, I'm Aussie, I'm well known for being pale, and I was in my Commerce class (obviously) - and on top of all that, all my friends knew that I was still friends with her.

So for a while there they hated me, too. They thought it had been me that told her. But my best friend knows me better than that. She knows that I don't take sides if I can help it, and we set out to investigate. For a while I was a double-agent, only playing the game for myself. I was able to discover the truth about a lot of things. We found out that it was actually Sophie who had told her what had been said, and for a while my friends hated Sophie, too.

She used to lie to me a lot. Before I met her, I used to be so open...so trusting... She closed me like a book, turned me hard. Now I'm extremely stubborn at times, and I don't fall for people's tricks so readily. In some ways it's a bad thing. But for me it's a good thing. She taught me how to be me. But sometimes I wonder how I can still like her, after everything that she did to me. After everything that she put me through.

The lies. The torment. The tears. The agony.

It was all too much. She made me cry on many occassions, and there were times when I completely despised her. But on her last night here, we were on the phone for hours. By the end of it I was crying so much that I couldn't even talk. But she understood. She always did. Damn, I'm crying now just remembering all this. Words can't express how emotional that night was... So the next day she left, but I did as she asked. I kept checking her email for her, and making sure everything was kept in order. Eventually she wrote an email to me. Things were going great. And then it all happened...

All her accounts on the sites that we were both members of vanished. Her fanfiction accounts. Her banner making accounts. Even her email closed up, so I could no longer access it. I thought that she'd changed her password and not told me, so I couldn't get to it anymore. Thought she'd deleted all of her accounts so I could no longer keep in touch with her.

For a while I thought my friends had been right about her. That she'd been the false friend they had all accused her of being, and that she had successfully made me her last sad, sorry victim...

She's back...

Today I got an email from her. An email saying that she's not forgotten about me, and that she's written me a hundred letters that I've never received. She's been busy, and the Internet is slow in her country. She hasn't got access to it yet.

But thought keep running through my head. How can I be sure that this is the real thing? How do I know that she's the friend that I know, love and miss? I hated her for so long after she stopped writing, and now I don't know what to feel. How do I know my friends weren't right about her? Could she be back to break me one last time?

Tormentor...

Please, somebody help me...I don't know what to think...she could be here to play me again, if that is indeed what she did last time. But...she could be back as the friend that I miss so dearly...I don't know what to do...

Onishi...please tell me why you're back...what are you doing...? Are you here to leave me shattered and broken again...? Or are you here to be my HP buddy again...? Please...

Re!!

Who ever thought that a Chemistry test could have been so much fun?? OK, this is how it went down...

We were given five minutes reading time before the exam started at 9am. So at nine we all picked up our pens and started. The exam wasn't due to finish until 11am, yet I managed to finish the whole thing before 10am. So there I sat, for over an hour, just colouring in my sheets. *nods* Fun. But that wasn't the best part about the exam...

Maddie and I guessed absolutely everything in the exam. I'm serious. I think I knew the first question, but then I guessed it all. Every last one of the multiple choice, and then for the long answer questions I just made it all up. It was as simple as writing one of my stories, except this time I had guidelines as to what I could and couldn't write. I would have preferred to add a few more explosions.

Yep, so Maddie and I know we both failed. I didn't read the data sheet while I was doing the exam, so after I was done I read it. I found Avogadro's Number on the sheet, and realised that I'd needed that for one of the questions in the test:

*turns paper* Oh! Avogadro's Number! That's the thing...that I needed to add...to get the answer to that...question that I can't do. *stares at paper -- shrugs* Murh. I'm not bothered...

So I just left it and continued swimming in my boredome for the next hour or so. *sigh* I'm just glad that it's all over. But I still have heaps more exams. I'm debating over how much to study...because I really don't want to. Anyway, chat to y'all L8R!!

Re!!

It's happening all over again. The illness - dizzy-spells being the main symptom. Why won't it all just fucking go away?? I'm so sick of it! I'm about to go offline, so this will be a quick entry.

I've been sick since Wednesday. It's now Monday of the next week. I've already mised the first day of my exams, and odds are that I'll miss the second day, too. If this isn't gone by Wednesday, doctor says I gotta go get my chest x-rayed. o_O Not good...

I hate this...

Make. It. STOP!

Re!!

Ah...obsessed with the song "Empty Promises" by Behind Crimson Eyes. Thank you Marisa for getting me into them in the first place. They're great!! And an Aussie band, too! I usually don't like Aussie bands...yeah, some Aussie I am, huh?

I'm - so - BORED!!

Less than a week until exams now...

Phoenix!!